- COMPLAINING OUT LOUD IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN REGARDING SCHEDULING
It’s so easy to express some of our frustrations out loud. Sometimes we even do it when no one else is there, except maybe the dog. Children are natural problem solvers and caretakers. When something is bothering you, they want to help you and help you fix it or help you make it better. When they become aware of any type of frustration you might have, they want it to go away for you. If the frustration involves the other parent or his/her family and scheduling with them a child might have the perception that the others are “being mean” to you when really the only issue you might have is timing or another commitment. As you already know, the scheduling will work out somehow either through cooperation or the help of a friend or rescheduling. Your child should not have to worry about this.
- FORCING THE CHILDREN TO DO THE COMMUNICATION REGARDING SCHEDULING
All communication regarding scheduling should occur only between the parents and children should never be used as message carriers. Children delivering messages might sense some anger or disappointment or other type of issue from the message recipient. Remember, delivering messages may initiate the other party in having the child return a comment to you about your message and, to make sure you know what that comment is or was it would be best to hear it directly not through what the child may remember about the message or what the child thought the message “really” was.
- TELLING THE CHILDREN THAT THEY’LL MISS TIME WITH FAMILY MEMBERS
Your child already knows that you and all the members of his/her family love him or her. Your child was not the cause of him or her having to be in two different locations for gifts or meals or celebrations but telling the child that he or she will miss time with you and your family members will only instill guilt-like feelings and anxiety in the child regarding being away for events.
- TELLING THE CHILDREN THAT YOU WILL MISS THEM WHILE THEY ARE WITH THE OTHER PARENT AND HIS/HER FAMILY
Again, your child wants to ‘fix” everything for you and wants to take care of any issues which affect you in a bad way. Telling them that you will miss them only puts the child in a guilt situation over what they perceive as them causing you to be sad.
- FORCING THE CHILDREN TO RELATE DETAILS ABOUT GIFTS, FOOD, ATTENDEES AND OTHER THINGS REGARDING THE OTHER PARENT’S HOLIDAY TIME WITH THE CHILDREN
Children are not oblivious to what “spying” means. When they’ve been with the other parent or that parent’s family do not ask them for details. Remember that they love the other parent too and when it looks as though you or anyone is trying to find out about bedtimes, food, etc. they will feel stress or wonder why you are doing this. Hint: If you don’t ask any questions, they’ll probably talk about everything they did with the other parent anyway. Just be patient.
Holidays and times with other family (like vacation or even every-other weekends) should be joyful and relaxed for your child and not something that makes him or her feel guilty or tense.
The attorneys at the Law Offices of William L. Geary, Co., L.P.A. concentrate in family law matters including custody, visitation, child support, spousal support, divorce, dissolution, pre-nuptial and post-nuptial agreements among other areas.
Law Offices of William L. Geary, Co., L.P.A.
Waterford Tower
Suite 101
155 West Main Street
Columbus OH 43215
614-228-1968